Every secret has a color

He was a fool. He threw a precious pearl with his own hands. He loved too much. He then cried a lot. Write all this. I wish Desdemona knew how much Othello loved her. And if Othello knew Iago was poisonous, a monstrous beast, an articulate word master and so on. Well, it was too late when all secrets revealed.  

Pip was a coward. Dickens says it. Pip didn’t won’t to tell Joe that he stole bread, thinking that Joe will stop loving him.  Joe is the only who loved him. Pip loved him too. That was default. They were ‘given’ to each other. It was a secret kept to keep their love going. Even little things matter .Sometimes we hide things from people we love the most. Because we are too scared to lose them or else we fear that too much of expression can make the other take us for granted. We think curiosity is better then.

School vacations were often spent at my mother’s ancestral home in Ratnapura. There is a set of big ayyas whom I fondly remember. They were in their teens when I was only only 7 or 8 .I grew out of fear . I loved risky business then. Once I got thrown in to a muddy pond while riding a  bicycle   ,which was deep enough for me because I wasn’t tall enough . Two of these big boys rescued me. Took me  to their home , got me washed and dressed again. The story was unknown  until recent times.  Aththamma didn’t like me playing with them . She often claimed that they are big boys and little girls have no business with big boys. Play and wounds were secrets all the time. Aiyas knew well to keep secrets. I grew up with the fact that women are gossipy .

I am remembered of Upali and Jinna in Madol Doova . The two boys assure Balappu that they would keep his presence a secret, thus reflecting clearly, how the two of them could keep to their word. Balappu unfolds the secret of the 'Floating Flame' to scare away the villagers. The strange man Balappu, tells Upali and Jinna mysterious tales about Madol Doova and how people are scared to step into the haunted place. These misadventures and secrets fascinated me.

Time clocks and I learned that secrets play a big part in lives. Secrets can divide people. They deter new relationships. And they freeze induviduals too. From government conspiracies to men and women  having affairs  , they exist in every level in society. Secrets are a human desire to heal and connect , I think. Juicy bits should be shared with people who can be trusted and with those who have the same sentiments or same mindset as you do. We live in a society where certain human events are considered shameful. Man is not for the law. Naturally they break the law. They will go against the society’s norms. And broken laws will be always kept as secrets.  But with the right people.

You know, walls can hear. I don’t know what kind of antennaes they’ve got. And I tend to think this is why walls are witnesses to what we do. But that sounds scary. I wonder if walls carry secrets like cables and microchips do. there are things we like to keep for ourselves. There are places we don’t want to stray into or things to keep cornered safely. So let secrets be there. Let the walls hear. But not to be carried them away to another.

The pavement stone and kicked –out guts bear witness to our feet , heart and everything . Of all things like connections, divergences, love giving, love taking, longing , hurt, wound and even a kiss in oblivion. At some point, all these unheard and unseen stories will dissolve into one like dust particle and get thrown away into sky. Disappear in clouds. Only sun and moon will know them. Secrets will be safe with sun and moon. Let’s think.

Every secret has a color. Not just black or white. They are of all colors. Because different secrets carry different ingredients.

Shhh! be careful not to mix up  colors.

(Featured in "The Nation" newspaper on 24th August 2014)