Monday, October 9, 2017

On love and the line of scrimmage


Taken from Sunila Wila by Pushkara Wanniarachchi 

Years ago , somewhere in December  I found a house seat in the indoor hall of Maharagama Youth Center. It rained butterflies that evening. 6.00 pm. There were a mass of people outside , crowded around the entrance. Many had to go back .I overheard  some one saying; 

Tickets were over. 

I managed to get a ticket, however with the help of a friend. On occasion , I would say ‘pin siddavechchave’ given that it was  a difficult opportunity. 

It was a concert called ‘Shwetha Rathriya’ . I don't not remember how and when or who organized it. Nonetheless that evening was a special one. Celebration of sorts. It was declared to be Nanda Malini’s final solo-singing show. 

I was 17 years when the show happened . The entire concert was able to sum up most of my childhood memories in two to three hours .They remembered me of how I  used to listen to Nanda Malini in audio cassettes. In fact, one time I was one of her students too. 

That day, there was something extra to what I had heard of her  apart from youtube and cassettes. It was the first time that I got exposed to Nanda’s  early collections; Pawana (Wind) and Sathyaye Geethaya (Song Of The Truth). She has had a string of successful releases . Among them were songs of love and relationships that appealed many hearts. 

And somewhere , while witnessing the songs of battle , distress, hope and  sorrow, it triggered me that many of her love songs carried a different connotation to what I had heard of other singers .

Nanda had and has a rival. I'd say. And I’d like to call the rival; Sunil Edirisinghe. Nanda and Sunil claims to have unmatchable voices, incredible and mesmerizing on stage. This does not mean that they are competing  for the best  voice, the best this  and  that. I believe they do not have to. They are already  reverenced by people like us.  Let me tell you this;  it is that they have and are speaking  of two different worlds . Not meant to cut each other. And this is what makes both Sunil and Nanda  unique , singularly.


Let me also offer this disclaimer; this in no way devalues what they have bequeathed the audiences through out. I believe, I say that this is an expressed appreciation for both of what I have felt and perceived of their songs personally.


Nanda Malini’s take on  love is a divine one. Her lover is absolute beauty and absolute godly. Her love has infused her being , that in everything she speaks, she speaks of  the lover. And in everything she seeks, she seeks the lover.  This element -where love and the lover conquering every thing is often emphasized  in her song . 


You.

Infinite as the sky 
Infinite as the sea 
And in everything I see 
is only you 
You are infinite.


අහස සේ ඔබ අනන්තයි 
සයුර සේ ඔබ අනන්තයි 
මේ විශ්වයේ මා දකින්නේ 
ඔබම පමණයි 
ඔබ අනන්තයි 


What place on earth is devoid of your presence? 
You are the sound of a plucked lute, the oozing liquor, the pen in word weaving  and quill that frequents.

වෙණ තතක් හැඬවෙන තැනත් ඔබ 
මදු විතක් උතුරන තැනත් ඔබ 
තෙලිතුඩක් දැවටෙන තැනත් ඔබ 
පන්හිඳක් ගැවසෙන තැනත් ඔබ 


And she goes on  further claiming  that than true love there is no subtle master under heaven.

And heaven exists 
where goodness  is preserved frequent
In love 

ආලය නම් මනු දම් සුරකින් නීති 
එතැනය සුර ලොව නම් 


And Love is a sea. It is tossed up and down by the waves. It lifs lovers  up at times and at times they drown. And in drowning  they give up , because there is no solace after the beloved is gone. The lyricist is perhaps clever and perfectly snaps the grief in a few words. So delicate. Moving. 

නොලැබ කිවිඳුන් 
කුමට කවිකම් 
කිවිඳ මට කවි ලොවේ 

And what use of balladry
having denied  of my poet?


And of Sunil , he’s different.  Many of his songs are far away from this happy and godly unison that Nanda urges to have. Perhaps more experienced in this whole thing that lives revolve around -what we call love. Sunil surely knows that man , like the phenominal universe, is double-natured, partaking at once of Being and Not Being, of Good and Evil , of Reality and Unreality. He affirms that love is a make-believe thing. A fantancy. It is pretence. 

ඉවුරු දෑලේ හිඳ බැලූ විට ගඟ හැඩයි කදිමයි

දියට වන් විට එවන් ගඟුලම බිහිසුණුයි චන්ඩයි

He tells us like this ; Stand by a river bank and look through the water. You’d find it beautiful, flowing gently , murmuring and burbling. Then step into its water. You’d find it to be a monster . Tumbling and rolling, dragging you away with the  water. Same goes to people. Only once you get closer to people , you realize who they are and what they are. According to Sunil, lovers don’t carry  equal sized hearts  , no they carry equal thoughts. They are constantly  dancing around  issues to thrive what they need from each other. They  yearn perfection. And this is a struggle they do. A product of greed. I’d like to call it. 



I walked from town to another, in search of everlasting love. And it was just a dream, in this transient world. 

සදාකාලික නොවූ ලෝකේ
සදාකාලික ප්‍රේමයක්
සොයා නෙක ගම් දනව් පීරා
ගෙවූ කාලය සිහිනයක්


He is well aware of the ancient law , that everything is impermanant. And so does man , so does love. They are ephermeral. So why look for a timeless love? Sunil Edirisinghe finds it to be a vain thing to do. 

Hardly there’s desparation found in his song. When the union of love fails , the lover doesnt weep in distress . Sunil envisions a matured lover , who is able to face defeat without complaint or collapse. Each other departs gracefully , knowing that  the time spent will be cherished. 

මා ඉතින් යන්න යනවා
මට යන්න අවසරයි
මට අරන් යන්න ඇත්තේ
ඒ මතකය විතරයි

Let me leave
with your permission

There are only memories
to take with me.


Today , reflecting on the songs I’ve heard and have come to know of, my thoughts stray back to the classic film ‘Hulavali’ and  a  popular  line of a song sung in this film ’ala vadana yana theruma bosath Kama saki.’ I’m also reminded of a  particular conversation that Sunil once had with   Victor Ratnayake at a show . Sunil made a comment that day ; “ආදරය , සෙනෙහස මේ හැමදෙයක්ම  වචනෙන් ප්‍රකාශ කරන්න පහසුයි, නමුත් ප්‍රායෝගිකව ඒවා මුනගැසුනම  තමයි මෙහි බැරෑරුම් කම තේරෙන්නේ , එය බෝසත් කුලයට අයිති දෙයක්.” (Love is not as easy as it is said with words , loving is to exude bodhisattva qualities. ) . 

His song encompasses a deep philosophy. A philosophy  that teaches to surpress jealousy, pronounces the practice of giving. Or letting go. The bedrock of Buddhism. 


It is a known fact that a singer picks up what is written by a Lyricist. And one may even argue that Nanda’s songs were written by a single composer with a few exceptions, whilst Sunil Edirisinghe was nurtured by various artists. Yes. I would not disagree to that. After all , a singer has the privillege to choose what he/she wants to sing. I suspect. I also believe that  this exercise of picking up lyrics from what is offered , tacitly conveys the values and views  they hold. 


And no matter how different their idealogies on love are, somewhere some of us still enjoy and speak  of them. We have embraced their song. Perhaps Sunil and Nanda are successful in taking their audience through a divine love to its horrors and duplicity. 

























Saturday, September 16, 2017

I - the Ex-citizen

I'm an ex-citizen of your heart
barred from entry
and of denied visa.
Berlin Artparasites 
But often I get home sick.

How many blue waves do I have to tear up
to sail back to you?

Is it an iron made heart you got
to become oblivion of me?

Or did thoughts of love in your heart
fall into extinct volcanoes?

Saturday, July 22, 2017

On going back to things you love



Pic source -Internet 



There are three things that I would love to go back to . One , it would have been some where in the 1999’s , how Aththamma and I use to sit on a door step and read stories to each other and sing .There was no particular time for that. But often we did it after lunch. Second , Chandima Uncle , a far friend, relative of sorts , who took me for sea baths when I visited Tangalle during vacation. A childhood play mate. He is remembered in every possible ways. Third, a few years away from now , in the 5th Lane , Colombo , turned to test love and the must things heart liked somewhere in mid August. I , somewhat little in age then , jumped into a heart and could not find the way back out. He is fondly remembered . Every now and then.



We wish there’s a rewind button. Often. So we could go back to those days again. But do we really need a rewind button? If we carefully look enough , everything in this world is clearly defined and named. We see them and we know what they are. And that way we gather what is around us and from all that’s perceived what is most cherished is safely locked inside. A human head is compartmentalized . All things we feel , talk , see and hear is put into small boxes , demarcated by line and stored eventually. And when something’s needed , its just matter of pulling out one of those boxes. It’s an effortless mechanism. And we keep straying in them. In the end everything that was once carefully scattered and caged is brought back. It is a machine , I like to think , a product of human error. I have found . This game of extracting matter that was once deposited is how we go back to things we love .



Going back is not just about people or landscapes or a moment we had lived in . It’s also about things we like to do. There’s many of us who frequently wish we’d do this and that. Over time , little by little , we stop doing things. We don’t stop for any particular reason, but one crazy week follows another busy month and somehow years go by without a race. Then we realize we’ve moved on and left something behind—something we still love. Things we love and like to do are a part of us. And when we decide not to do them , we are actually giving up a part of ourselves. I tend to think.



So how do some of us go back to what we want to do? Be it playing an instrument , reading , drawing, traveling or doing a sport. There’s no other trick but doing it. Just doing it. Look. Some one who is good at Football are those who keep dribbling , shielding, tackling and trapping. Those who are good at music enjoy scaling up and down and doing warm up exercise to keep their voice perfect. A Digital Marketer just don't make money , but because he enjoys writing articles and ad content for others. So its about going through the process and enjoying it . All that one needs is the patience and commitment . Its not easy. Not all those who want to go back to their passions really go back!




It’s not a surprise ( at least for me) that even song encompasses the need to go back. After all , song is a combination of feelings. Although I learned later that a song belongs to the singer , its true creator is the Lyricist. It’s a lyricist’s experiences , reactions and the emotional state that produces a song. I believe. There are songs that have pained. Love lost and hurt. And another time joy , sorrow - cut , a dream or hope. And among them there is nostalgia too.

I’m remembered of a song. One that I randomly stepped into while browsing on youtube recently .


වත හසරැල් ගවසා

ගිනියම් මා හිත ඉකිබින්දා

ඒද නොඑදැයි සිතමින්

මගෙ හිත මග බලමින් උන්නා

ලොවම කෙසේ කීවත්

ඔබ යලි එතැයි සිත කීවා

Ayanthi Fernando , lyric composer , through out the song is determined and hopeful. The text implies it. She is aware that the circumstances have taken her through a painful journey although her heart still warns that the lover will be back some day.


යලි උපදින්න සිතා

විගිසින් මියැදෙන්න සිතෙයි

And its not just that , she even thinks that she must die soon believing that in after life the lover could be with her. To love means pain. There is doubt and despair. There is lot of yearning embedded in the song. Ayanthi is careful when picking words. And what’s fascinating here is that the agony is turned into strength. It’s more like endurance I would call it.



The urge to go back to some one that was once lost is occasionally noticed in songs. T.M Jayaratne does the same . We have often heard this . And is frequently quoted by lovers too.


මේ පුංචි රටේ නොතැනක දී ‍හෝ

මතු කවදා හෝ යළි අප හමු‍වේවී

යළි අප හමු‍වේවී...



T.M. Jayaratne is not just being hopeful about meeting again that someone whom he lost . He educates and is educating the audience that one needs to believe him / her self that they can some day reconnect with each other and thus work of it. We are often desperate to grow up and learn why we loose people. Instead what if we actually learn to connect back together ?





It’s a known fact that every one is happy is when they do what they love doing. We always come across the pleasure talk people do when they restart doing something they have loved doing a long ago. Think of some one who stopped going to gym for a long time and has recently started going there. They are all of a sudden full of energy. Revitalized.



Going back to a person you love , to a place you like or a time that you have once lived is a trip gathering melancholia .And often makes us feel that we were absent and absented from all what was around and more. It is like when some things are lost and they are found again , they are treasured over and over.























































































Monday, December 12, 2016

Ode to a conversation



Eight thirty.
One morning. Monday.
Sadness.
An incised heart ,
A Scrambled -brain
with crippled feet
ambled upon.
Go back.
Go away.
Flap
your wings
Go.
Do not cross.
No entry here.
Words tossed.
a wave-rib cracked
an amber  heart died
again and again.
Crawled back.


12/12/2016

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Know your Speed , Comrades


In my career as a Freelance Journalist , for nearly one and half years I wrote for the kids' and youth sections of The Nation newspaper which I enjoyed thoroughly . When I moved to Daily News I couldn't publish a few that I had already written for The Nation. This particular story is one of them too. I am delighted that the series is now resumed to http://nightowls.lk/ . You'll find more in the series as you scroll down.


The letter ‘S’ in mathematics can denote or mean two things. But to be precise it only means one thing. Letter S refers to Standard Deviation. However in basic math S may be used to denote Speed for our convenience. Standard Deviation is an important static. The Standard Deviation is a measure of how spreads out numbers are. In other words it is a number used to tell how measurements for a group are spread out from the average (mean), or expected value. For instance, think you and your friends measure the height of 5 dogs. The heights up to their shoulders are 600mm, 470mm, 170mm, 430mm and 300mm respectively. The average height or the mean height of a dog will be the sum you get when you add all these 5 heights and divide the answer by the number of dogs, which is 5 .The deviations would be each dog’s difference from the average height you have found. So you deduct each dog’s height from the average height, square it. The answers you get must be added together and divided by 5 again. Then you get the Variance. When the variance is squared what you get is called the standard deviation. Writing down steps can be confusing. But I am certain about one thing. You and I may not make use of deviation every day. They are often used by Statisticians to calculate to know how the population in a town or country is dispersed, to know the birth rate, death rate, or in Factories they might use deviation to know how   the speed   taken by its employees to manufacture a particular product varies.


Speed, however differs. Speed is the rate at which something moves or operates. Or if rephrased better, it means how quickly something moves or how fast you do work. If you want to know how fast you rode to Kandy from Colombo, divide the distance that you traveled by the time you took to reach there. You will then know the speed of your vehicle. Speed, unlike the Standard deviation, is an everyday thing to us.  Speed was taught in  School. It might not made any significance to you back then though.


Several years ago I was invited to run the 200 meter relay by the Higgins house Vice Games Captain. My instant response was a ‘No’. They kept insisting me to do it because during that year two of the good runners   from our house were out of the country. I am not and was never a sprint. My events for every sports meet in school were usually the long jump and sometimes I took triple jump too. I could say I was good at them. But that year, in addition to field events I had to take part in a track event.  During heats I came 3rd. And that year was the only year I became a runner.


Pic Source : Internet 
The same year John, a colleague, an athlete from Higgins House, a national level champion took part in the 800m, 1500m and 3000m relay. I could never compare myself to John . John was fast. She was as fast as an eagle through the air. She was the fastest I knew in Musaeus College. I loved watching her in long distance events. She was different. Steady, upright and herculean. In fact, Sprinters are clearly differentiated from endurance athletes. Simply look at their physiques and you will note the remarkable muscle bulk of the sprinter in the key prime movers.  In contrast, the endurance athlete does not display such muscle hypertrophy. He or she tends to be lighter, less bulked and even drawn looking.


I had a question for John that day. I asked her how they would run such long distances without a single break.  John was also called Jonty or Jonny by her friends. Jonty told me this.


Long runs stimulate the marathon, which requires lots of time on your feet. It all comes with practice. It is called endurance training. Endurance training is achieved by doing lots of low intensity running. The key factor here is running slow and running farther. And eventually you develop your speed with the time you‘ve got to run.   During trials we run three quarters or sometimes two thirds of the distance slowly. Fastest runners do most of their running at slow speed. Because they run a lot, and if they ran a lot and did most of their running at high intensities they would quickly burn out. You could do some training on this. You’ll be good. ‘ She said.


That was that. I never tried becoming a sprint though. Thereafter.


Several years after Jonty did her explanation, recently someone was advising me not to rush over things. And that somethings in life comes slowly no matter how fast we want to achieve them. We got to slow down then for a moment. Jonty made sense that day.  Lots of sense, in fact. I think.

Take simple things.


You are late to school or office let’s say. And so you keep driving fast because you want to be there before you are marked red. Driving fast can possibly make us reach the destination early. True. But have you thought of the flip side of driving fast? What if you drive over a person at the crossing? What if you are unable to push the break or gear at the right time? It can cause harm. Not only to someone else’s life but even yours. It can even result in death. We’d never know.


Think of an exam you are taking. Especially   if that is a math paper.You would have lots of questions to solve within a short period of time. If you’d keep running around questions hastily all because you want to finish everything on time , you may tend to skip steps when doing calculations  and eventually land on to a wrong answer. Unless you have time to double cross them, you would not know if you have got it right or wrong.

Speeding on speed is harmful. You see.

Some of us want to become Managers, Entrepreneurs, Bankers, Doctors or whatever when we grow up. And in this process of becoming a Banker or a Doctor you and I will have to collect qualifications and experience.  That is how we are been told. Some of us want to pick on several degrees or several certificates at once thinking that it will help them to reach goals sooner. That’s possible however given that you don’t rush from one to another. And if you do so, you wouldn’t know what you have learned or acquired in the end. Sometimes doing lot of things at once can make us tired when achieving goals. And this is why we have to slow down.


Take trains for instance. When trains speed up and if you happen to look outside from a window you won’t see anything clearly. Everything will look like flash lines. Tress would appear like long green lines . Everything you see through a train would disappear in a blink when it moves fast. Same way, when you keep running quickly over things you don’t see what’s there in it. You won’t have time to experience and enjoy what you do either.

Life is like running. Really. If you carefully think.


Running at a high speed the moment you start off something can destroy your energy. And your journey will be a short one. Slowing down is good therefore. But that doesn’t mean being too slow either. Being too slow means you are very late to reach where you want to be.


Saturday, April 30, 2016

Learn to pick yourself up


In my career as a Freelance Journalist , for nearly one and half years I wrote for the kids' and youth sections of the Nation newspaper which I enjoyed thoroughly . When I moved to Daily News I couldn't publish a few that I had already written for The Nation. This particular story was one of them. I am delighted that the series is resumed to www.nightowls.lk. You'll find more in the series as you scroll down.






Picture credits: Tony J | Yohan Siriwardena


May be you should visit the beach. Stand where you’d like to be. When it is twilight or when dusk is about to enter, look straight. Head up. And then down. Down. Slowly. You will see the sun sinking down. As if the sea  is pulling sun into water. We call it sun set .But sun does not sink. Sun sets because earth rotates. Day and night happens that way.


Think of sea tides. Sea wave rises and falls back again at several times of the day. As the moon travels around the earth and as they, together, travel around the sun, the combined gravitational forces cause the world's oceans to rise and fall. Maybe the ocean once belonged to the moon and that’s why it is falling towards the earth. May be that is why the moon is constantly pulling onto earth. Trying to touch it once more.



In Einstein’s description of the universe, gravity is a bending of 4D space time. Objects like stars bend more fabric than you and I, and objects that are nearer to each other are pulled by gravitational attraction than objects that are far away from each. Think of some one whom you love a lot. In fact faraway love is interesting. We do not need to look too far ahead to appreciate people who are away from us. They are by your side, now and then, among flowers and pictures, words and places. It is a strange mix of presence and absence. There is gravity pulling you towards people that are near to your heart. Like moon pulling the earth because earth is closer to moon. Who knows , perhaps there can be a girl thinking of a boy in a faraway place and a boy thinking of a girl living in a faraway house.



There are pebbles. Take a pebble and throw up. The pebble comes down. What of kites? Kites fly high and fall back. Crosswinds and storms can bring them down. Eventually everything falls.  Even leaves fall. And they curl up in soil. Everything gets collected to earth’s core because of gravity’s effect. But that does not mean you cannot try throwing up a pebble again or fly a kite again. All it needs is some determination.



Take simple things.  How do we get rain? The groundwater or what we call as the water those runoff mountains, the water in lakes, sea water and the water that is transpired by plants is condensed to the sun’s heat and evaporates with air, forming tiny droplets in clouds. When the clouds meet cool air over land, rain is triggered, and water returns to the land or sea. Once it rains, rain doesn’t stop there. Rain comes again and again. Because the same water that falls down is taken up by sun’s heat again. So you see that there’s a way to take things up when they fall down.



Did you think of how you get electricity? The power comes from the electricity department. Electricity Department gets it through the main unit. The main unit receives power from turbines. Turbines generate energy using water. So, electricity energy is produced by water, and we get water when it falls from a high altitude to a low altitude. Now did you see the use of water falling from top to below?



We also fall . Like rain and everything else. Like the water that fall from mountains. We fail to do things. We lose in competetions. We  may run short of marks to enter University . We may lose in a business . But we forget that there is energy to go up again. Instead we keep on worrying and getting disappointed. We do not learn to transform obstacles into opportunities and try doing it again. Next time you fall, think of electricity or think of the groundwater that evaporates, falls down and goes up again.  We all need to fall . So we can learn to pick ourselves up. 


Other articles in the series : 













Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Anamnesis

Source : Berlin ArtParasites

There is nothing
I would forget.
Your bright eyes that squinch,
in an air conditioned room,
the way you wear your blue shirt.
how gaze turns into blood rush,
how words fall out beneath you
but there are heart rapids of yours
I have not touched
and longing for.