Wish we all had Amma powers. Amma knows everything. Yes. Starting from what to eat. What to drink. How to wash. Everything. Basically. I, 23 now, stays home when the rest of the family goes out for their work (Only if there’s nothing for me to do out). I often gallivant . Habitually. For no reasons sometimes. Staying home alone is not easy. You get random text messages from Amma.
Once you are done with your homework, please clean the house also.
Amma
Don’t forget to put the clothes to dry.
Amma
And then you get random reminders.
Don’t open doors to anyone. Keep everything locked.
Amma
Call Aththamma again if you can.
Pick up nangi from the class at 5. Don’t forget.
Do not use the aluminum pan to fry eggs. Use the non-stick one.
What I like the most is when Amma sends blasting text messages.
What are you doing? I have been calling you several times. Call me immediately. You are just inviting trouble.
Recently I have been in the negatives for boycotting housework just for two- three days.
‘What’s wrong with you? You are all day infront of a book or else the laptop.You have enough time to talk to all the people around the world. Is this the way a girl behaves.What’s the use of all the learning and your fancy degrees. You can’t be this being the eldest. Do some house work.Pick up nangi from classes. Be more responsible. You know how much work I have. Do NOT embarrass me. Who the hell you think you are? ‘
This took me all the way back to Jehan’s videos. A few years old Jehan did a video about Amma points , or how to win a mother’s heart. Jehan is obviously a Srilankan ingenious. He knows the kind of mother most of us have. And how to tackle them.
How much cleaning you do , that’s not enough for them. Of course you shouldn’t be boycotting house work. Not even a day. That can make you lose amma points. You’ll definitely end up getting scolded the whole day. Which might even continue for two three days. Unless you do a bit of cleaning and make her convinced.
Compliment what she cooks. Just praising them isn’t enough .Always compare them with other aunties. Same goes to clothes. Buy what she likes. Even if you don’t like. (You can exchange them later)
Fix random things in the house. Fix her phone when something goes wrong. Help her breakthrough technology. Teach her to transfer money through phone. Or to send picture messages. You will get double points when your mother is aunty networking.
Skip parties atleast one night. Instead go for charity work. Pirith or bana. You will score more. Cook a meal that can be a super hit. She will go around praising you everywhere.
From all things, if you choose a amma approved job like Doctor , Engineer , Lawyer , you are likely to be kept at the top of the family.
If you are a boy they will always like you to marry a decent girl . A girl who doesn’t go for late night parties. Cooks well. Has a good job. Very fair and sweet. On the other hand they’ll like men who don’t drink. Don’t smoke. Who earns lot of money. Good job. (sad , but true)
Help random aunts and uncles. Go shopping with them. Send them gifts once in a while. Amma will love it!
When you go for weddings alone don’t forget to bring a piece of cake to amma. You’ll get more amma points.
Also give her gentle advice. Tell her to be careful when driving in the rain. But don’t overdo it. Don’t try to teach her what to do and what not to do . You will probably loose points then.
If you are living away from your mother, give her a call once a while. Ask how she is doing. Amma likes it.
And don’t come home late after hangovers. You are likely inviting war.
(Courtesy - The Nation newspaper , 25th April 2015)
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